What’s your love language?


Have you ever taken the time to think about what love means to you? Gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch; who knew that there were so many ways that you can feel love? According to Gary Chapman, author of “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”, each person falls into one of these five categories of ways in which they feel the expression of love.

Understanding the ways we feel love and our partners feel love can be a vital part to developing healthy and reciprocal relationships. One common mistake that we make in our relationships is assuming that the way that we feel love must be the way that those around us feel loved also. You may be trying your hardest to show your partner the love and affection you feel, but this may be misunderstood if you and your partner are speaking two different languages.

Observing the way that your partner shows love to others may be the key in helping you to understand how they prefer to be loved. Is your partner a “hugger”? Does your partner often buy thoughtful gifts for you and others? Does your partner verbalize their love by affirming your positive qualities? Being observant of your partners actions may give you insight into how they themselves what to receive love from you.

But, there is another way to get a clear understanding of your partner’s love language. Many websites offer five love languages quizzes and explanations of each language. Taking this quiz with your partner can be a fun and informative way to get a better understanding of which language your partner speaks. The link below will take you to a pdf of a version of this quiz with an explanation of each language. For more information you can also check out Gary Chapman’s book.





Ellen Spiese, LMFT